I’m tired of all the self-help TV shows now airing on many of the networks.
Do they think I’m helpless or what?
I saw one recently that told me how to cook an egg.
Another offered me tips on how to prepare for winter.
I think I know how to prepare for winter after spending my entire life in Michigan, New York and Ohio.
I know all about snow, sleet, icy roads, frigid winds and what-have-you.
I mean, it isn’t like I suddenly look at a calendar in mid-December and find myself surprised that it might snow at any time in my neck of the woods.
I don’t look out the window on a January day and say “What in the heck is that white stuff falling out of the sky?”
Instead of telling me how to prepare for bad weather, tell me something I DON’T know.
Give me some advice on how to win at the lottery or catch a lunker-size bass at my favorite fishing lake.
Help me learn to like poached eggs and polka music.
Teach me what it takes to buy a piece of clothing that’s marked “one size fits all” and the darned thing actually fits me.
Demonstrate for me how I can get people to quit putting an “L” in my last name so it comes out Blatz.
Enlighten me on how to get all the telemarketers to suddenly misplace my home telephone number.
Bob’s “Pun of the Day:” A judge went to the dentist and before the dentist could begin extracting one of his honor’s teeth, the judge asked “Do you swear to pull the tooth and nothing but the tooth so help you God?”
Bob Batz is an area resident and guest columnist. Contact Bob at firstname.lastname@example.org.