Commercial success? Highly unlikely


By Scott Halasz



One of my favorite evening rituals is sitting down in front of the television and winding down before bed.

I am usually tuned into reruns of The Big Bang Theory, Law and Order: SVU, Modern Family, and MASH — of course only if the Buckeyes, Cubs, Bulls, Bears, and Blackhawks aren’t on. And like a majority of couch potatoes, I channel surf during commercials.

But the other night I decided to force myself to watch the ads over the course of a few hours.

I learned a lot.

If I call the Discover Card folks, I can talk to someone who looks and sounds exactly like me. Talk about identity theft.

Then I found out that if I‘m going to take certain medicines, I need to inform my doctor about other meds I take and conditions I have. Shouldn’t he/she know that already?

Wendy’s burgers are never frozen. They may not be as big and hearty as they once were, but they’re fresh. Where is Clara Pellar when you need her?

It could be fun to switch to Sling. I’m learning to play guitar. I could be a slinger in a rock and roll band. Any Moody Blues fans out there?

It’s not OK to be just OK. I found these ads to be, well, just OK. OK?

Flo is still the most annoying person on TV. And the commercials have gotten progressively worse. Yes, I did that on purpose.

There are cars that can park themselves. If only they could pay for themselves.

Whoever came up with the “Home Alone” reboot is a genius. They made Macaulay Culkin relevant again. For a little while anyway.

The Boost Mobile sales people are nowhere near as cool as AT&T’s Lily Adams. Wondering if the phone service is.

Thanks to the all-new Chevy Silverado, the Osmonds — Donnie and Marie — are a thing. I was always a little bit rock and roll.

Penguins who use Metro by T-Mobile are able to talk. Wonder how many anytime minutes they get.

The person who wrote the Turbotax commercial apparently only knows the word “free.” I bet the cost to film it wasn’t, however. Also, the first time I saw Turbotaxlive, I thought it said turbolaxative. I’ll mention that to my mom. She’s due for a colonoscopy soon.

Somehow driving a Hyundai enables people to climb rocks and surf on a lake with a parachute. Not sure about this. I drive one and I can barely climb into my bed.

Interestingly enough, if a credit card is sharpened with a special sharpener it can cut a tomato. What’s the interest rate on a ripe Valencia?

Peyton Manning can’t sing. Brad Paisley can. But it doesn’t matter. Those commercials are starting to get annoying. Get me Bruce Springsteen or Garth Brooks and I will watch them 24/7.

A Bear can open a kitchen window and recommend cough syrup. That homeowner was awfully calm. If that happened to me I wouldn’t need cough syrup. I would need my running shoes. And a clean pair of boxers.

So what’s the end result you wonder? Or even if you don’t wonder.

Of all the ads, in many cases I can’t really recall the benefit of whatever product they were selling. We need to get back to the basics. What’s the product and why should I buy it.

Commercials on. Surf’s up.

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By Scott Halasz

Contact Scott Halasz at 937-502-4507.

Contact Scott Halasz at 937-502-4507.