A racist Roseanne, a Publix cake blunder, two doltish clergymen — who gets the Golden Moutza?


By John Kass



“I wonder if God ever has one of those days where he looks around and says ‘What was I thinking?’” asked reader Marilou Wilschke.

She asked it on Facebook, where nominations are made for the Golden Moutza of the Month.

Roseanne Barr is right up there, after her ugly, racist tweet about former Obama administration adviser Valerie Jarrett.

Crazy Roseanne was properly fired by ABC and her show canceled. But life is complicated.

Barr’s racist tweet was recently discussed by America’s most infamous race baiter, Al Sharpton, a panelist on an MSNBC “town hall” on race.

Al Sharpton? Are you kidding?

If the Almighty ever looked down to see Al “Tawana Brawley” Sharpton lecturing on racism, with liberal media types nodding as if soaking up universal truth, you know what could happen?

We might all be turned into pillars of salt, enough to flavor, say, every Chick-fil-A chicken sandwich in the world.

What a waste of chicken.

So Marilou Wilschke, there is another way.

The moutza.

And today we award the Golden Moutza of May.

Spread your fingers and extend your palms in the ancient Hellenic hand signal of contempt. Just aim it at some drooling idiot, like Samantha Bee. Give a hearty Nah! (Here, take it.)

“Had a great Memorial Day weekend, honoring and appreciating all that so many gave and sacrificed to guarantee our freedoms,” wrote David Mansfield. “Yet out of respect for them, no nominations from me this month.”

Mr. Mansfield, I respect your decision to go moutza-less in May. But here’s the deal. The Moutza of the Month has freedom of speech written all over it.

And it’s way cooler than kneeling on the sideline of a football field.

“I’m smoking ribs on the (Weber) kettle,” writes John Pogas. “Some guy said to me, ‘Are you going to boil them first?’ Nah!”

Boiled ribs? That fool deserves a double moutza. Nah! and Nahto!

Kathleen Sawicki nominated a South Carolina grocery store that stupidly decorated a cake with the words “Summa … Laude.

“They censored the word ‘cum’ because it was thought to be offensive,” Sawicki said. “Each day I think I’ve heard the ultimate in stupidity, but each and every day I’m reminded that it’s an ongoing problem. This person definitely deserves a ‘NAH!’”

It happened at a Publix food store in Charleston, S.C.

Cara Koscinski ordered a cake for her son’s graduation with the words: “Congrats Jacob! Summa Cum Laude Class of 2018.”

But Publix decided that the word “cum” — which means “with” in Latin — was too vulgar for a cake. So Publix didn’t add it. How awkward.

Latin is not vulgar. The famous Texas Ranger Gus McCrae, a hard man prone to romance and violence on the plains, was quite fond of the Latin phrase “Uva uvam vivendo varia fit.”

Look it up yourself.

If Latin is good enough for the dashing Capt. McCrae, it’s good enough for young Jacob’s graduation party. And Publix? Blow on it. Nah!

Tom Winike said Melissa McCarthy should get the moutza for her new movie depicting raunchy pornographic “Muppet-like dolls having their heads blown off…Nah!”

And puppet sex. Plenty of puppet sex.

I’m a tolerant man, but one thing I won’t abide is puppet sex.

Nah!

“At a restaurant, you enjoy your dinner, the server presents the bill and you pay with cash,” says Carol Gierman. “The server asks, ‘Would you like change?’ Of course I would you idiot!”

Stupid greedy server! Nah!

And we can’t forget two holy men.

The Rev. Jerrod Moultrie, president of a NAACP chapter in South Carolina, claimed he was racially profiled by a white police officer and treated with disrespect simply because he’s a black man driving a nice Mercedes.

But the officer’s body camera shows only a courteous, respectful cop politely reminding the reverend that his license plates hadn’t been properly registered with the state DMV.

Without the bodycam, it would have been a racist cop story. But with the bodycam, the Rev. Moultrie can lift his eyes to heaven and eat this: Nah!

And what of the pasty and wealthy Louisiana televangelist Jesse Duplantis, asking his followers for $54 million for a personal jet — his fourth.

He said Jesus would have his own plane too, if the Prince of Peace were preaching today. “He’d be on an airplane preaching the Gospel all over the world.”

Duplantis? While you’re jumping through the eye of that needle, tell me: Do demons give the moutza in hell?

Yeah. I thought so.

But there can be only one winner of the Golden Moutza of May.

Racist Roseanne Barr tweeted that Chicago’sValerie Jarrett was the issue of the Muslim Brotherhood and “Planet of the Apes.”

”Rosanne Barr,” writes Peter Bella, “not only because of her racist tweet, but, her utter stupidity put about a hundred people out of work.”

Barr was depicted in the show as a blue-collar supporter of President Donald Trump. And in her real life, she claimed to be a Trump supporter.

Trump supporters, starved of Hollywood love, ate it up. They forgot that Barr was dangerous, once grabbing her crotch while mocking the national anthem on TV.

Did liberal media types use this episode to unfairly smear all Trump voters as racists? Yes. Is Al Sharpton a fraud? Yes.

But Barr tweeted racist bile all by herself. And she wins the Golden Moutza of May by herself.

Roseanne?

Blow on it.

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By John Kass

John Kass is a columnist for the Chicago Tribune. Readers may send him email at jskass@chicagotribune.com.

John Kass is a columnist for the Chicago Tribune. Readers may send him email at jskass@chicagotribune.com.